This post shares the glory of God being seen through my experience of death which was brought about by my very limited understanding of spiritual things at the time. I am still learning and growing but this story is where my awakening began.
I agree, holding complete certainty, with Paul’s statement of God’s love for us in Christ Jesus:
Romans 8:38-39
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I was in college, very close to a degree in education when He came to me like a hurricane. One of two closest friends, at this time, committed suicide. He was also my ex-husband. The only man I ever married. There is something very special about the marital union. Because of this, the impact this had on me overwhelmed me.
The truly odd things happened after the funeral…when there was time to pause. It started the first night after. I was listening to my mp3 player and the music was playing the same theme with different songs, I had it set randomly playing.
The theme was missing a partner with sorrow for what they had done to the other. After the third time hearing this theme I considered spirits…namely my ex-husband’s spirit. So I asked “Is someone trying to talk to me through music?” and the next song was telling me not to stop the music.
Needless to say this got very strange and exact with each question, thought and feeling that I had. I thought there were two different spirits. One wanting to hurt me but tricking me usually through things like the appearance of love and the other protecting me.
I could write an entire book on just this experience alone but there are more pressing things to discuss with regard to the Lord’s protection and love in Christ Jesus.
About one month into this interacting the music kept repeatedly telling me to kill myself. For days I refused and kept telling it “No, my life is finally going in a positive and secure direction and I have a young son.”
Then one day I was suddenly reminded of Abraham and Isaac. Mind you I did not recall many stories from the Bible and had never read the Bible. When this came to mind I did not remember how the story ended, only that Abraham was loyal and followed God’s command. I took it literal, in ignorance, not realizing spiritually He was telling me to die to self/deny myself.
The second I thought it was God I felt overwhelming loyalty? An insatiable urge to please Him? Something in me inspired me to obedience so I planned and followed through. What happened next is nothing short of a miracle.
My son and his dad lived with me and I knew their schedules. I planned it so it was not violent and so I would not be discovered until far too late. The ONLY reason I am here today is because of God. I was never ‘found’ instead God, Himself, brought me back.
The first thing I saw was the thickest, blackest black I have ever seen. I saw nothing else…not even me. This black is not like black here…it is dense, heavy…and darker than what is here. I did see this black in two people when it moved across their eyes earlier in my life. One actually tried to kill me right after the darkness passed over them, the other one wanted to kill me but there was not opportunity to.
Being surrounded by this darkness did not trouble me. I was held during this entire experience. I just thought “So now what?”. Then, to my right, I saw a circle of flowing liquid rainbow colors-like a psychedelic poster’s colors. I thought “I wonder what that looks like closer.” During this thought I quickly and smoothly moved right up to it…in no time…almost instant.
Then I looked at it and saw that it was not liquid but gas flowing. It was also surrounded by this black material that looked like wet tar paper, gleaming in places with added moisture. It was a tar paper tunnel with rainbow gas in it.
I pictured myself diving into it and instantly I was on a cobblestone bridge. It was over some sort of liquid. The sky was grey and dreary with no light. There was a city beyond the bridge down and toward the left. It was a city that looked like Jerusalem- in that style of architecture. The city was in blacks and greys.
The entire place was enlightened by firelight. I remember looking up to the right at the sky and thinking “I should be terrified of this place.” and yet I was at peace.
On the other end of the bridge there were these ‘beings’. They all looked the same in form, same height, shoulder width, size…very cookie cutter.
They were the same black as that place before was black. It was like they were in zentai suits , even covering their nose, ear and mouth holes, leaving just the forms of such.
They were telepathically telling me to “Come.” I was held, so without fear I became naive also. I took a step with my left foot and went to take a second step but something had my right heel.
It pulled me back and then, I do not know if it was with spiritual eyes or physical eyes, I was in my bed. I could not tell you if I was breathing but my entire body was paralyzed and silent.
I then saw a right hand the size of my body from side to side. It was so beautiful, a crystal hand only seen because of flowing rainbow colors that outlined its form. It went into my body and slowly moved from the intestines up toward my mouth.
Isaiah 66: 14
14 When you see this, your heart will rejoice and you will flourish like grass; the hand of the Lord will be made known to his servants, but his fury will be shown to his foes.
As it moved the pill paste moved with it through my parts until the hand pushed it out of my mouth. It gently came out. Understand this, it was not vomiting because no muscles were moving. It came out as this hand moved it.
Then I was suddenly back at this bridge. The beings were telling me to come again so I telepathically told them “I cannot go to you because something has my foot. You have to come to me.” So they came to me and one pulled my hand.
The one holding my heel pulled again and the same exact thing that happened the first time with that beautiful hand happened again.
Again, I was at that bridge but this time many of those beings were pulling on me anyway they could grab me. The one holding my foot pulled so hard this time I felt like I was being pulled out of myself.
Then, for the third and final time, the beautiful hand did the same thing and then I remember nothing more until I came to in waking life.
When I came to, it took me close to an hour to be able to move enough to slide off of my bed. When I finally could I walked like I was jello-extremely wobbly with very little muscle strength. I made it across the hall into the bathroom where I threw up once.
I never went to the hospital for this. After two to three hours I could move normally and by the end of that day I was fully functioning-mentally as well, like it never happened.
I searched for years to find someone who had a similar death experience and could not find it. The closest was a nun who had died and left a diary someone put into the public describing the same beings but only that part.
In the beginning of 2015, 4 years later, I heard a voice telling me to “read My Book”. I began to read His Book, with much resistance at first. But He was gentle and persistent in me doing so. This is why I love His Word now. Thanks be to God and His awesome love.
Obedience led to me seeing where these things I saw when I died came from:
Seeing very dark shadows cross the eyes of two very troubled souls:
(Luke 11:34
34 The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness.
Matthew 6:23
But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!)
Seeing thick darkness:
(Exodus 20:21
21 Then the people stood at a distance, while Moses drew near to the thick darkness where God was.
Exodus 10:21-23
21 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand toward heaven so that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, a darkness that can be felt.”
22 So Moses stretched out his hand toward heaven, and there was dense darkness in all the land of Egypt for three days.
23 People could not see one another, and for three days they could not move from where they were; but all the Israelites had light where they lived.
Matthew 8:12
12 But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
Matthew 22:13
13 “Then the king told the attendants, ‘Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
Matthew 25:30
30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’)
The beings covered in darkness:
(2 Peter 2:17
17 These people are springs without water and mists driven by a storm. Blackest darkness is reserved for them.
Jude 1:6
6 And the angels who did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their proper dwelling–these he has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains for judgment on the great Day.
2 Peter 2:4
For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment;)
When I died I had no thought of my life prior…not even my son or own life experiences…land of forgetfulness…sleep of self:
(Psalm 88:12
12 Are your wonders known in the darkness, or your saving help in the land of forgetfulness?
Ecclessiastes 9:5
5 The living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing; they have no more reward, and even the memory of them is lost.)
Pulled back to life when I died physically by something grabbing and pulling my heel He would not let me cross the divide:
(1 Samuel 2:9
9 “He will guard the feet of his faithful ones, but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness; for not by might does one prevail.
Luke 16:25-26
25 “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony.
26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’)
Also what Jesus said to Peter about Hades:
(Matthew 16:18
18 And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.)
Dying and God bringing me back:
(Psalm 30:3
3 O Lord, you brought up my soul from Sheol, restored me to life from among those gone down to the Pit.)
He who is clothed in rainbows of living color-His hand that saved me was crystal with flowing liquid rainbow: (Joseph’s coat of many colors-Tamar also had one being mentioned when Amnon raped her and her tearing it afterward, rainbow over the Angel’s head with a face like the sun, rainbow as a visual reminder to God’s promise to Noah-aka Jesus the right hand of God):
(Ezekiel 1:26-28
26 And above the dome over their heads there was something like a throne, in appearance like sapphire; and seated above the likeness of a throne was something that seemed like a human form.
27 Upward from what appeared like the loins I saw something like gleaming amber, something that looked like fire enclosed all around; and downward from what looked like the loins I saw something that looked like fire, and there was a splendor all around.
28 Like the bow in a cloud on a rainy day, such was the appearance of the splendor all around. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord . When I saw it, I fell on my face, and I heard the voice of someone speaking.)
It was His glory, He who sits at the right hand of the Father who saved me, it was His Right Hand of Glory. It is realized that the picture appears to be the left hand but I did not make the clouds and He still reaches, with both hands- rod and staff.
I do not deserve this love and cannot comprehend what He sees in me but I am incredibly grateful for His unspeakable gift. He is most beautiful and can be seen all throughout each of our lives as He calls out to save. All glory and praise is due to Him forever and ever Amen.
The Heart of the Covenant 